By chance we met, but when I look back, I know it was not a chance encounter. God knew I needed you, and He orchestrated it. By choice, we became friends, and by choice, we cemented it into family. You are my sister, my friend, and family in every sense.
I remember you asking me one day while we baked, “Ama, do the kids have a godmother?” I replied, “No.” You promptly responded, “Then I am the godmother of the children.” “Of course!” I replied. At the time, I did not realise how seriously you meant it. The years proved it, and never once did you falter in being present. Nana, thank you, thank you, thank you.
You never took the role of godmother lightly. You planned a whole godmother ceremony to mark it, and you showed up at every turn. My three children—Nana Yaa, Nana Agyeman, and Nana Bonsu—became your babies, and you raised them with as much love as we, their parents, did. You shared in their birthdays, graduations, godmother dates, school decisions, career paths, and internships. Even before your marriage, you went on a date with them and Mac to ensure they liked him—such consideration. You were present. You cheered them on, prayed, corrected, guided, and poured into them. Only recently, when Nana Yaa celebrated her birthday, we missed you so much. I know you would have been there, but alas! What a void.
Just before Nana Agyeman returned to school, you took your babies to lunch. You planned holidays, school, and fun times, laughed with them, and poured into them that day. They were looking forward to it with so much excitement. They always came back delighted after dates with you. On their last date, they said to me, “Mummy, Auntie Nana said we should come for a copy of her house keys because it is our home.” They loved that you made them a part of your life. They never doubted that you loved, wanted, and chose them, and they, in turn, loved, wanted, and chose you.
And even now, your presence is still felt. Nana Yaa and I had a conversation before she went to school. She said to me, “Mummy, Auntie Nana and I discussed this, and I am aware she is watching me, so I will constantly strive to make her proud.” The boys also said they are going to make sure they make you proud during their respective exams. You have made my life easier by having the crucial conversations in advance. Nana, I doubt anyone can fill this void. I can say with my full chest that if I had to count three people who love my children as much as I do, you would be present. If two, you would be present. And if there were just one, you would still be present.
You reminded me of things I said years ago—things I had forgotten—and you would tell me how profound they were. You never let me forget who I am. You would always say, “Ama, what?” with a shocked expression if I even thought otherwise. Then you would say, “Ama, you are that girl.”
On July 25th, we had lunch together. I had just finished an interview, and I was apprehensive. You said to me, “You will crush it.” When the result came, I had. I had broken the scale. I received an 80 percent scholarship for an organisation where people usually receive between 20 and 30 percent at most. I sent you a screenshot of the email, and you texted back in capital letters, “I TOLD YOU!” You were my encourager, my hype woman, and accountability partner in everything—from weight loss to career goals and everything in between. You never allowed me to doubt who I am. I will always remember that. You are special, Nana.
Just a few weeks ago, you looked at me and said, “Ama, I want you to be happy. I am so proud of you. You are deserving of all the good things—the love, care, and favour. And also, the strides you are taking make me so proud.” When doubts tried to creep in, you silenced them with certainty—always affirming, always lifting. I will continue to make you proud.
I always teased you about your “compartments.” You had so many people drawn to your light, yet somehow everyone felt thoroughly special—a testament to how special you are. When you call someone your person, you show up and show out.
We had holidays planned, birthday lunches planned, and work and laughter waiting. And now all I feel is the ache of your loss. Who will sit with me to map out the children’s academic journeys? Who will call me on the phone and scream, “Amaaaaa!!!” in the unique way that only you can?
I miss you so much. This is one of my most difficult adult experiences. Must I now experience joy in life and refrain from calling you to share it? Must I laugh at things I know would crack you up without your laugh echoing back? Must I discover new recipes and bake without you trying them first? Who will I make portobello mushroom salad with? Must I dance to “Dansaki” alone now? Who will I shout, “Make we scatter this place tonight!” at when the song comes on? We were so excited when Morocco became visa-free; you sent me the itinerary again on August 23rd. Must I go by myself now?
I was not prepared for this amount of grief and sadness. We had spoken of your birthdays until age 80 and beyond, and so this was not an expectation I ever considered—that I would be saying goodbye to you on earth. We had a ton of plans, Nana, but now the silence is deafening. The grief, overwhelming.
You loved us, and we knew it. We loved you, and I know you knew it. That is my comfort: that you knew you were cherished. I wanted this to be an ode because you live on in us. You live on in our tears, in our laughter, in the children you nurtured, in the prayers you prayed, and in the love you gave. I could fill a thousand pages just talking about you. I hope these words convey a sense of who you are to me.
Grief is here because love is here. The ache we feel is proof of how deeply you matter. Yet even in the heaviness, we hold on to God’s promise: “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). And I trust His word that “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
Now I have two angels in heaven watching over me and your babies—you and my dad. We will make you proud. It is a promise. Thank you, Nana Esi, for every moment, every word, every embrace. You remain a blessing. You remain a gift. You remain embodied in our love. We love you forever and, as you would say, endlessly.
With all my love,
Your Ama (Ama Emefa Xatse Agyeman)